How do I hate thee? Let me show thy ways...

Ok, so for English we had to write a parody of a popular poem by Elizabeth Browning. Now, please note that we specifically had to make it "How do I hate thee?" otherwise I wouldn't have picked such a topic. Now, part way through I realized that the only person I could hate would be the devil. So, in an uncheesy way please read this as thinking about the devil.

The Original:
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."-Elizabeth Browning
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

My Parody
"How do I hate thee? Let me show thy ways..."-Aaron Best
How do I hate thee? Let me show thy ways.
I hate thee in a way that is so right
Thy bad mouth can breach good standards with might
O to end thy being and in great haste
I hate thee to a level I can't say
Thy hurtful seed, is horrid to my sight.
I hate thee nearly, for your aren't in Light.
I hate sincerely, for you do not Praise.
I hate thee with a passion I won't lose
Thou art a thief, and in knowing I saith
I hate thee for my own vices you use
With your lost saints, --- I condemn thee to death.
Wiles, fears, and all thy strife ---for as God choose,
Thou shall burn as fetter e'er thy last breath